Elder Abuse Can Happen at Home Too: What Families Need to Know
When people hear the words “elder abuse,” a lot of minds go straight to nursing homes or facilities.
But one of the hardest truths to say out loud is this:
Elder abuse can happen in the home — and sometimes the abuser is a family member.
This is not about shaming families. Many families truly love their parents and grandparents deeply and are doing the best they can. But seniors are vulnerable — and when someone becomes dependent, abuse can happen in places that should feel safe.
As a caregiver, I believe the best way we protect our elders is by talking about this honestly and knowing what to look for.
What is Elder Abuse?
The CDC defines abuse of older persons as an intentional act — or failure to act — that causes harm (or creates risk of harm) to an older adult, often by a caregiver or someone the older adult trusts.
The World Health Organization explains elder abuse as a single or repeated act (or lack of appropriate action) happening within any relationship where there is an expectation of trust, causing harm or distress to the older person.
That’s what makes it so hard:
it often isn’t done by strangers.
It can be done by people close to them.
Types of Elder Abuse (It’s Not Just Physical)
One reason elder abuse goes unnoticed is because people often assume abuse has to mean bruises.
But elder abuse can show up in many ways, including:
psychological / emotional abuse
financial abuse
neglect
abandonment
(and yes, physical and sexual abuse too)
Let’s talk about the ones I see families miss most often:
1) Financial Abuse
This is one of the most common types of abuse — and often one of the easiest to hide.
Financial abuse can look like:
missing money or valuables
unexplained withdrawals
pressure to sign documents
sudden changes in banking behavior
bills not being paid even though they should be
Sometimes it’s a scam.
But sometimes it’s far more painful:
a loved one “borrowing” money, controlling accounts, or using the elder’s finances to fund their own life.
2) Verbal / Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse leaves no bruises — but it can destroy someone from the inside out.
This may look like:
yelling, belittling, humiliating
threats or intimidation
theating them like they’re a burden
controlling who they talk to or where they go
Even if no one is “hitting” them, fear and humiliation are still abuse.
3) Neglect (Including “Unintentional” Neglect)
Neglect is a form of abuse too.
It can include:
preventable medical problems (bedsores, untreated infections)
unclean living conditions
dehydration or malnutrition
missed medications
Sometimes neglect comes from cruelty.
And sometimes it comes from burnout.
But no matter the reason, the outcome can be dangerous.
Abuse Can Be More Common Than People Think
A lot of elder abuse goes unreported, especially when it involves family.
That’s why it’s important to recognize patterns early and speak up when something feels off.
Warning Signs Something Isn’t Right
The National Institute on Aging lists signs that may point to mistreatment or abuse, including:
Emotional / Behavioral changes
sudden depression or anxiety
becoming withdrawn
“shutting down” when certain people enter the room
Financial red flags
changes in spending habits
unusual withdrawals
confusion about money
accounts suddenly being controlled by someone else
Neglect signs
unclean living conditions
poor hygiene
preventable health problems
weight loss or dehydration
If you feel like something is off, don’t ignore that feeling.
“But What If I’m Wrong?”
This is the most common reason people stay quiet.
They don’t want to:
accuse someone unfairly
create family conflict
“start drama”
But here’s what I want you to remember:
Protecting an elder isn’t drama. It’s safety.
And asking questions doesn’t make you the bad guy.
What To Do If You Suspect Elder Abuse
If you suspect abuse, here are safe steps:
Talk to the older adult privately (away from anyone else)
Document what you notice (dates, patterns, specific concerns)
Reach out for help
Adult Protective Services (APS)
their doctor, clinic, social worker, or case manager
If there’s immediate danger: call 911
A Final Word (From My Heart)
I know this is a hard topic.
But I also know this:
Our elders deserve dignity.
They deserve respect.
They deserve peace.
And they deserve to feel safe — even in their own home.
Need Support?
Caregiving can be heavy — and you don’t have to carry it alone. If you’re looking for trusted in-home care in the Black Hills of South Dakota, I’d love to connect and share support options for your family.
Kayla
Kayla Cares LLC
Where personalized care meets the comfort of your home
Phone: 605-510-7952
