You Don't Have to Know What to Write
After Part 1, you might be thinking:
Okay, writing can help. But what the hell am I supposed to write?
That's the thing.
There really isn't a right answer.
When people hear "journaling," I think they sometimes picture someone sitting down every night with a beautiful notebook and writing:
"Dear Diary..."
And if that's your thing, great.
But that's definitely not the only way to do it.
Writing for yourself can be messy. It can be angry. It can be two sentences or ten pages. It can be something you keep forever or something you rip up five minutes later.
The point isn't to create something beautiful.
Sometimes the point is simply to get it out of your head.
Start With "I Don't Know"
Sometimes I know exactly what I need to write about.
Other times, I don't.
You can literally start with:
"I don't know what I'm feeling."
Then ask yourself why.
I don't know what I'm feeling.
But something feels wrong.
What's wrong?
I'm irritated.
Why am I irritated?
Because of what happened earlier.
Why did that bother me?
And suddenly, something that started as "I don't know" has turned into figuring out what was actually bothering you.
Sometimes you think you're angry.
Then you write long enough and realize:
I'm not angry. I'm hurt.
Or maybe you're overwhelmed.
Scared.
Disappointed.
Embarrassed.
Grieving.
Sometimes our first emotion isn't necessarily what's underneath it.
Writing gives you time to dig a little deeper.
Write the Letter You Will Never Send
This is probably one of my favorite ways to get things out.
Write someone a letter.
And don't send it.
Say everything you wish you could say.
Tell them you're angry.
Tell them they hurt you.
Tell them you miss them.
Tell them what you wish they would've done differently.
Tell them what you needed from them.
You don't have to make it polite because they aren't going to read it.
When you're finished, you decide what happens to it.
Keep it.
Delete it.
Rip it up.
Burn it safely.
Put it somewhere and come back to it six months from now.
The purpose wasn't necessarily for them to hear it.
Sometimes you needed to say it.
Poetry Doesn't Have to Be Pretty
I write poetry too.
And poetry doesn't have to rhyme.
It doesn't have to follow some perfect format.
Sometimes poetry is just taking something that's almost impossible to explain and finding another way to say it.
Pain can become a storm.
Grief can become an empty chair.
Healing can become a garden.
Anger can become a wildfire.
You can turn what you're feeling into something you can actually see.
And sometimes that makes it easier to understand.
Write the Story
This is another big one for me.
Tell the story.
It doesn't have to become a blog.
Nobody has to read it.
Write what happened from beginning to end.
Write what you remember.
Write what you don't remember.
Write what you wish would've happened.
Write what you understand differently now than you did when it happened.
Sometimes when you're living through something, you're just trying to survive the moment.
Years later, writing the story can let you look at it from somewhere completely different.
Make a Damn List
It doesn't even have to be paragraphs.
Seriously.
Write:
Things pissing me off today:
And make a list.
Or:
Things I can't control.
Things I CAN control.
Things I'm scared of.
Things I need right now.
Things I wish someone understood.
Things that actually went right today.
Writing doesn't have to look a certain way to count.
You Can Write the Ugly Version First
This is something writing has taught me.
The first version doesn't have to make sense.
Your thoughts don't always come out in order.
Mine sure as hell don't.
Write the messy version.
Repeat yourself.
Spell something wrong.
Cross shit out.
Change your mind halfway through.
Write something and then underneath it write:
"Actually, that's bullshit. What I'm really mad about is..."
There you go.
Now you're getting somewhere.
You aren't writing an English paper.
Nobody is grading you.
You Also Don't Have to Keep It
There's something freeing about knowing what you're writing doesn't have to exist forever.
Some things I write are meant to become blogs.
Some become stories.
Some become poetry.
And some things are simply meant to get me through a moment.
Not everything needs an audience.
Not every painful thing needs to become something inspirational.
Sometimes it just needs somewhere to go.
And If Writing Makes It Worse, Stop
Writing about painful things can bring emotions back up.
You don't have to force yourself through something because somebody on the internet told you journaling was healing.
Close the notebook.
Go do something that makes you feel grounded.
Come back another day if you want to.
Or don't.
Writing is supposed to be a tool available to you—not another thing you're failing at.
Just Start Somewhere
You don't need a fancy journal.
You don't need a writing prompt book.
You don't need perfect spelling.
You don't even need paper.
Use your phone.
Use the notes app.
Use a $1 notebook.
Open a blank document on your computer.
And if that blank page is staring back at you and you have absolutely no idea what to say, start with a list.
That's actually how I start a lot of the time.
I don't sit down and immediately have perfectly written paragraphs in my head. I make a list of what I'm thinking, what happened, what I'm feeling, or the things I know I want to say.
Then I go back.
I take one thing from that list and add a little more. Then another. I explain what happened. I add how it made me feel. I remember another detail and stick it in.
Little by little, that list starts turning into something.
A lot of the things you read from me started as nothing more than a messy list of thoughts.
So don't worry about making it sound good at first.
Make the list. Go back. Add more.
That's how I start.
Just write.
—Kayla
